Wednesday, 28 December 2011

Foreign marketing calls, a.k.a. the plague of 'im downstairs...

So, six in the bleeding morning, and the landline rings.

"Hello?" (real original, but then I'd only hit the sack a couple of hours beforehand. What? I'm on Christmas leave!)

The line was slightly crackly, and there was a mild hiss in the background. Only on international calls does this noise seem to happen. I checked the caller display, to find that, oh joy, it said 'Blocked'. "Hello, my name is Sanjay, I would like to tell you about-"

I interrupted. "Is this a marketing call?"

"Sir, I would like to tell you-"

"Yes or no, please."

"Yes, sir. I would like to-"

"You know it's six in the bloody morning here, right?"

"No sir, I did not. I would like to tell you-"

"I don't do marketing calls. Especially on two hours sleep. Goodbye."

And then I hung up. They ring me at six in the goddam morning, they can expect me to be abrupt, if not downright moody.

Half an hour later, no joke, the same damn thing, with a different person. And again, half an hour later.

Sod this, thought I, and turned the landline to silent ring. They could leave a sodding message. Not that they would.

At eleven, my mobile rang. Luckily for the caller, their number wasn't blocked: It was my folks, on a completely different subject. I told them about the calls on my landline, and my old man chuckled, the evil wotsit. Then he told me about their own experience, and my Mum's response...

Seems they had a spate of these marketing calls from places like India, Malaysia, and so on, a little while ago.

The way my dad tells it, my mum, it seems, is like me: She doesn't suffer these fools at all. Her call went something like this:

Ring ring

Mum: "Hello?"
Caller: "Hello, I would like to tell you about-"
Mum: "Are you trying to sell something?"
Caller: "No. I would like to-"
Mum: "Good." And then she hung up. *click*

Absolutely priceless

Now, I happen to know that my folks, like me, are on the telephone Preference List, and Silent Call Guard, that is supposed to prevent marketing calls like this. Only problem is that they only tend to work for companies based here, in Great Britain. They most definitely do not work on call centres based abroad.

I wonder why those hacking "collectives" haven't targeted these moronic marketing call places? They'd win the hearts and minds of most of the bloody planet if they took out one or two of those, instead of ISPs, banks, supermarkets, and mail order shops.

The end result might be a final marketing call sounding a bit like this:

"Hello, my name is- *sound of flushing toilet, emptying sink, and a failed engine start* Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr *click*"

You gotta wonder about these things from time to time, right?

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