Retroactive post... erm... "Stick to the facts, Ma'am"!

OK, I'll admit I chuckled when I read this (I happen to like Sci-Fi), but after a while, I got thinking... not everyone likes science fiction, so sticking a blatantly Sci-Fi reference in an advertisement for a coach is a little silly, wouldn't you say? It may well turn off the punters you're looking to do business with in the first place. Far better, I suspect, to "Stick to the facts, Ma'am" ;)

oh, I wish, really, I WISH!

Nope. They aren't taking it down, dammit :(

They're doing planned maintenance instead, by "replacing the head unit".

But damn, I wish they'd taken the damn thing down: I'm sure they cause more problems than they allegedly solve - even Swindon council have finally said "No" to the Scameras!

Back to London with a bump (NOT mine, I hasten to add!)

OK, it's a Saturday. It's been raining, and on my last round, someone decided to make my shift a wee bit longer, by demolishing a traffic light pillar!

To the left, the queue behind me as I realised that all was not exactly well with the traffic... so, since I hadn't been going anywhere for five minutes, the traffic was standing still, and a fair number of drivers were getting out of their cars, I decided to record the moment for the blant, by capturing the unhappy impromptu campers behind me in the queue, stuck behind several buses who in turn are stuck in the traffic :) No point in trying to photograph to the front: It's obscured by said buses!

And here's why... erm... can one say "OOPS!"?

In all fairness (thought I'm damned if I know why I'm doing this, lol) I should point out that the double decker from Arriva you see behind the wreck did NOT cause it by shunting into the gormeless muppit, although I'm sure he was severely tempted - shades of (insert broad saaaaarf London accent ;)) "Toldja you'd come a cropper playin' chikin wiv a Lunnun Bus!"

No, it's all a bit more mundane than that, I'm afraid. Apparently, said gormless muppit decided to do a Michael Schumacher round the wet corner, lost grip, and went head-first into the traffic light column, demolishing both it and his car. The fact that he wasn't in an F1 Racing car, in a flame-proof jumpsuit, wearing a full-face helmet with radio, water, and uncle Tom Cobbly as well, obviously never entered his mind. Rather expensive lesson that :)

And I still didn't win the bloody Euro Lottery last night, dammit :(

Still, one less muppit to worry about while I'm at work tomorrow, I suppose :)

All correct, moving on...

OK, nothing to do with buses this time, just a general burble :)

It's my last day on holiday with my partner today; I drive back to London again tomorrow, to go back to work, suffer the London traffic and passengers, oh dammit I need another bloody holiday!

Oh, and the dogs have caught on. Two marvellous German Shepherds, whose names I will change to protect the completely insane ;)

'Achtung' is a reliable, friendly, very observant dog, whose claim to fame is leaping into the paddling pool in the garden last week, while everyone was outside enjoying the sunshine - before the microburst rain, more on this in a moment - and liberally applying massive splash value to all assembled. Including drinks, food, et al. Clever muppit that she is, she then exited stage left at lightspeed, having probably realised that the resulting screaming, shouting, yelling, and towel hunting, was because of her, lol!

'Chunky' (because she's a few chunks short of a tin of Winalot!) is a completely nutty dog; friendly, curious, loving, and a complete coward, she'll race under the table and protect the carpet. You all know the type :) Yep, she even scares herself while barking at her own shadow! When the microbursts hit earlier this week, she outdid herself: She bowled me over as she raced back inside! Comments of "What planet am I on?" were heard for around a minute after the impact!

Microbursts: One moment it's clammy, hot, sunny, and there's no wind, the next you've ducked due to a massive clap of thunder right above your head, and there's a lake outside the front door, and both dogs are peeking out from behind your heels asking "Boss, what just happened?, oh, and the doggy toilet's full again!"

Anyhow, this morning, both dogs sussed that I'm leaving tonight. Chunky slept at the foot of the bed last night (not something she normally does), and this morning, Achtung was patrolling the bedroom as I had a lie-in, glancing up to me to check I was still there, and that I hadn't surreptitiously packed up all my stuff in the night. Satisfied that all was correct, she would glance at me again, and I'm damn certain she gave a nod each time as if to say "All Correct, moving on" before nipping out, probably to update Chunky!

I don't have pets at home, as I live in a flat (it's cruel to both cats and dogs to keep them indoors all the time when you're at work, in my not so humble opinion), so when I go back home, I really miss those two nutters. I miss my partner too, but that's a different kind of 'miss'; My partner can happily hop a train or coach (no driving licence!) to come visit me - not so the two lovable muppits disguised as German Shepherds!

Oh well... winter break coming up in a few months, a few weekends until then, and oh yeah, I may even be moved out of London by then!

Welcome to the Twilight Zone / Hotel California / Dimension Zod...

OK, I've just got back to my other half's place, after what was, until we went to come back, a very nice day out shopping and going to the cinema (Wall-E, go see it - it's hilarious! - here's a clip on IMDB for you to enjoy...), and now, thanks to Reading Councils apparently completely intransigent and arrogant Road Planning team, it's rant time...

Getting into Reading (the place, not the method of understanding the written word, although it's obviously related!) is a doddle; the signage is bang on, the SatNav makes it easy, and the parking is right on the shopping centres.

Just don't plan on leaving with ease, or at all.

Reading: Welcome to the Twilight Zone... or is that Hotel California? Or maybe the Dimension Zod?

OK, you park up at the Oracle Centre (for example). Four hours later, you pay he princly sum of five quid to free your car from their car pound - I mean car park, and then spend fifteen minutes queuing to get out of the damn place. And in doing so, you miss the ONE bloody sign showing you the way to leave town.

So, the Satnav bravely recalculates your new route to leave Reading by the town drain - I mean down train - and you wind up meeting every one-way street (head on), every changed priority road (SatNav: "Cross the traffic lights and go straight on" You: "I CAN'T YOU INFERNAL PILE OF ROBOTIC GARBAGE! FOR THE FIFTEEN BILLIONTH TIME, IT'S ****ING BLOCKED TO CARS!").

All this, until, finally, reduced to being a gibbering exhausted Human wreck in the driving seat of your car, a traffic warden notices you, takes pity on you, and taps on the window "Turn right over there, mate, and go straight on. Leads straight to the M4 at Junction eleven".

Cue a complete state of total utter and almost insane sobbing and screaming...

OK, I'm exaggerating a little. But not by much. It's enough to drive a man to drink, I kid you not.

It's like trying to navigate through West bloody Sussex. The road signs there are all screwed up to hell and back, and as informative as a hole in the head, too. I'm sure their civic planners of whatever they're bloody called went to the same school of DisInformation.

Reading, it's official. Your Council SUCKS.

One more place NEVER to move to!

You couldn't make this **** up, I kid you not!

So, here I am, still spaced of mind and slacked of jaw.... and here's why...

I'm on a break from work, called Annual Holiday. So, I'm spending a goodly portion of it with my better half, who lives near Reading. Since I'm coming through Bracknell as usual, could, I was asked, I stop off at the KFC, and pick up a family bucket, please? Sure, no problem says I.

Wrong.

Everythings' fine and dandy, up to the point where I pull into the KFC. I ask for the 12.99 family bucket, only to be told in a vaguely French accent by the girl behind the counter: "Sorry, we 'ave no Chicken".

Blink.

"Sorry, what?"

"We 'ave no chicken. We 'ave everything else, but no chicken".

"Right. OK, lemme wrap my brain around that for a moment. This is a KFC, correct?"

"Yes"

"Kentucky Fried Chicken, emphasis on that last word, Chicken. And yet you have no chicken".

"Yes".

"Right. Fine. Bye."

And that was that. I wasn't going to get into a silly and fruitless argument or discussion regarding the merits or otherwise of remaining open when one doesn't have the core item for doing business. I'll leave that to the snottygram I'll be writing to KFC Head Office in the morning.

But Ye Bleeding Bloody Gods On Sticks! No Chicken? In a K bleedin' F Bleedin' C?!

Sheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeesh!

You couldn't make this stuff up when drunk!

Same place, different day... muppit parking version #3...

OK, here we are again, this time someone else beat the 4x4 to the prize parking spot.

If the cars pictured belong to you, please, drop a comment explaining just why you parked in such a completely inconsiderate and muppit-like way. I'm sure we all want to know :)

The red car got away with it - this time. The 4x4 is parked up behind the red job, by the way. Sorry for the lack of additional photos, I was a little late on the schedule, only had time for one hurried photo :)