Sunday, 4 January 2009

More on those On Suicide Jockies...

So... here I am on a weeks' leave, and I got thinking on those damned cyclists again, mainly as earlier on today a whole bunch of 'em passed by where I'm staying right now, looking rather... shall we say... frozzed. Serves 'em right. It's the middle of winter, it's about "minus I don't wanna guess about it" out there, and in any case they're completely round the "U" bend anyhow, in my not so humble opinion!

Anyhow, it got me thinking and wondering about that Furious Cycling charge that one could face, circumstances permitting, so I looked it up....

Under S.35 of the Offences Against the Person Act 1861 (as amended by s. 1(2) of the Criminal Justice Act 1948) Furious Cysling is defined in Statute Law as follows:

“35. Drivers of carriages injuring persons by furious driving Whosoever, having the charge of any carriage or vehicle, shall by wanton or furious driving or racing, or other wilful misconduct, or by wilful neglect, do or cause to be done any bodily harm to any person whatsoever, shall be guilty of a misdemeanor, and being convicted thereof shall be liable, at the discretion of the court, to be imprisoned for any term not exceeding two years.”

So, there you have it. If a copper decides to stop and charge a suicide jockey for a bone-headed stunt performed on the roads, that results in injury to another, then the cyclist might, if the soft centred court (a) finds him/her guilty, and (2) decides not to be soft, be looking at two years. Well, one year inside the rest on licence.

As if.

The court is more likely to dismiss the case, and have the copper charged for wasting the courts valuable dinner time instead.

Frankly, It's highly unlikely any two wheeled pedal powered suicide Jockey'll ever face justice...


Hang on...

I mis-spoke myself.

It did happen, once, but not by the courts. About fifteen years back or so, when I worked in another profession, the following happened at the junction of Whitehall and Northumberland Avenue, at the crossing point. The green man light had just lit, allowing pedestrians to cross, when out of nowhere a pedal cycle courier (the maddest of the suicidally minded) came rocketting across the crossing.

Well... half way, anyhow.

A rather elderly - but VERY swift on the reactions front - lady managed to deliberately get her umbrela point stuck in his front wheel.

Which obviously locked up.

Physics being what it is, the equal and opposite reaction then sent him nose-first over the handlebars at about whatever mph he'd been travelling at (he was shifting rather swiftly it should be noted), the rest of his bike following him in a 180-degree arc, to come to a sudden and noisy halt on the road surface.

He landed very messily, thank you.

Said old lady calmly retrieved her now slightly mangled umbrella, and walked on without a backward glance.

As did the rest of us pedestrians, chortling - no, guffawing, truth be told - very merrily on our way to work.

I never did find out who she was. But I scanned the papers for a week afterwards, in case she'd been done by the Police. No trace of the event was ever reported in the papaers that I could find, it didn't make the news on the telly, and that was the last I knew of it.

But I'll always rememvber the expression on her face as the courier augered into the tarmac.

It was the expression of long awaited exultant victory!

Now, it's unlikely that she's reading this blant, but on the off-chance that she's become a silver surfer and has found it: May I offer you my sincere congratulations on that victory for common sense justice!

Anyhow, I can hear you asking "what has tis got to do with buses?" Answer: Nothing, but damn, I'm grinning evilly at the memory of the now flat-faced courier, and I hope you are too! Have a great week!

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